Bass player jokes

[Jammer]

Q: Did you hear the one about the bass player that walked past the bar?
A: It could happen!

Johnny comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mommy, I learned the alphabet today! The rest of the class messed up around F, but I made it all the way through!" Johnny's mom say's "Very good son, that's because you're a bass player."
Johnny comes home the next day and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, I counted to a hundred today! Everyone else couldn't get past 60, but I made it all the way to 100!" And his mom say's, "Excellent. That's because you're a bass player."
The next day, Johnny comes home and say's, "Mommy, the teacher measured everyone's height in class today, and I was taller than everyone. Is that because I'm a bass player?" His mom shakes her head and say's, "No, honey, that's because you're twenty-six."

[ModestCargo]

Hahaha.

[omissam]

Oo the last one was good

[Peaceful]

I guess there aren't that many jokes about bass players. Are we that serious? Or just unnoticed?

[Peaceful]

Wait, wait, I have remembered one. An old one. A very old one...



A guy was going to a rehearsal of the orchestra and, as he didn't have a vehicle of his own, had to take the bus. He struggled onto the bus with his double-bass (I said it was an old one) and finally made to a seat where he sat down gratefully and wrapped his arms around his instrument. A little old lady leaned towards him and said, "Sonny, I hope they ask you to play when you get there".

[Peaceful]

All right, so it wasn't that funny. I was just trying to keep the pot boiling.

[Plstrcast]

Bass Player Jokes

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Q - How do you confuse a bassist?

A - Put one of his strings out of tune, but don't tell him which one


Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A - None, They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand



Q - Why do bands have bass players?

A - To translate for the drummer.

A guitar player comes to the doctor and complains about a serious deterioration of his memory. He especially has a hard time remembering correct changes and is afraid to lose all his gigs. Since the doctor can't find the cause, he asks the guitarist to leave behind his brain for a week in his lab for more detailed examinations. After seven days the guitar player fails to show up, and even after 2 more weeks there's no sign of him. Finally the doctor runs into him on the street, grabs him and asks: "Excuse me, but your brain is still waiting for you to stop by and pick it up, so why don't you show up?" The guitarist says, "Well, I think you can keep it; I finally switched to bass..."

[phingerboard]

A man buys a bass guitar for his young son, and arranges for him to get weekly lessons.

WHen he returns home form his first lesson, dad says: "How'd the lesson go?"

To which the boy says: "Good, he taught me the notes on the first string".

After the second weekly lesson, same question from dad.

"Great! He taught me the notes on the second string."

When the boy returns home the third week, same question.

"Oh. I had to blow off this week's lesson; I had a recording session with my band."

[ModestCargo]

A man buys a bass guitar for his young son, and arranges for him to get weekly lessons.

WHen he returns home form his first lesson, dad says: "How'd the lesson go?"

To which the boy says: "Good, he taught me the notes on the first string".

After the second weekly lesson, same question from dad.

"Great! He taught me the notes on the second string."

When the boy returns home the third week, same question.

"Oh. I had to blow off this week's lesson; I had a recording session with my band."
I'm guessing you mean 4th and 3rd strings....
But it was funny anyway! :D

I know, I'm anal.

[phingerboard]

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Three. One to hold the bulb and two to drink until the room spins.

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A bass player, sick of all the derisive bass player jokes, decides to change to another instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please."

The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All of our accordions are over there."

After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big black one in the corner."

The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a bass player, aren't you?"

The bass player dejectedly says, "How did you know?"

The store owner says, "That `big black accordion' is the radiator."

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Q: What is the difference between a bass player and a chimpanzee?

A: It has been scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.

===============

A bass player was at his first rehearsal with a new band. It was not going well. He was wary of the other musicians as they were of him. As he left the rehearsal room, the drummer played a roll like they do on the TV shoes when a comedian snaps off a hot one-liner. The angry bass player turned and said, "All right! Who did that?"

[gtrhrcane]

I don't want any treble now....

[MortalMadMan]

Can't belive nobody posted this.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with the band?
A: A bass player.

[Strat Kid]

We're a dying race, everyone's dissing us!

We're the under-appreciated genuises of the band. Sure, everyone screeches about how beautiful the guitar solo is, but without us in the background the guitar solo would sound so holow.

[Bowie]

Sure, everyone screeches about how beautiful the guitar solo is, but without us in the background the guitar solo would sound so holow.

That's what rhythm guitar, keyboards, and drums are for!

We're the under-appreciated genuises of the band.

No offense, but didn't you switch from guitar to bass because guitar was too frustrating or something?

[DLR Guitars]

Q: Why does the bassist leave his case on the dashboard?
A: So he can park in the handicapped spot.

Q: What did the bassist get on his SAT test?
A. Drool.

Q. What did the bass player say on his first job?
A. Would you like fries with that coke?

Q. What's the difference between a bass and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes to jump on the trampoline.

And my personal favorite:
Q. What's the difference between a bass player and a toilet?
A. A toilet only has to take crap from one *** hole at a time.

[Strat Kid]

No offense, but didn't you switch from guitar to bass because guitar was too frustrating or something?

I still play the guitar, I started playing the bass because the school made me...Plus my friends band needed a bass player and backing vocalist. So I did it.

Guitar is still fun, I play more it more than the bass.

[Bowie]

I still play the guitar, I started playing the bass because the school made me...Plus my friends band needed a bass player and backing vocalist. So I did it.

Guitar is still fun, I play more it more than the bass.

Glad to hear it :)

Nothing wrong with bass, but you know......this is basically a guitar forum, so I can definately say guitar is the coolest instrument!

[DLR Guitars]

I play bass and guitar too. Bass rocks.

[Strat Kid]

Good people, the frustration is the best part about the guitar.

If you could just pick up a tab and go, "Oh goody, I wanna play this."

*Fives seconds later* "Yep, got it!"

That's just not guitar, man....

[junkie_smith]

Not all bassists are ****, take

http://www.guitarchina.com/billy/pic/b0015.jpg

for example!

Buuuut I have 2 mates that reckon themselves bassists, its ******* amazing, they'll speak to people and be like "yerr i play bass" and ill just stand and laugh, they dont play bass atall, they just have basses, im really trying to get one of them 'lee' to play properly, and im giving him lessons to try and get him to at least be able to play a song, where as LIAM (OMFG :O) is in a band, cannot play bass (can play the little solo in QOTSA 'no-one knows', thats it) and the band has recorded a demo, where the 2 guitarists (my level) had to play bass for it, but he still speaks as if thats him playing on the demo and that hes actually a member in the band and not just a friend.

rant over, most bassists are lazy S.O.Bs

[Strat Kid]

True, my problem is I have no idea what to play...

[junkie_smith]

http://www.wholenote.com/humor/bass.asp

[RAT]

OK, I give, who`s the bass player in the picture ?

I personally liked the original bass player for Phish, but there are many other excellent ones. I agree with the lazy thing, but being primarily a guitar player, I tend to "overplay" bass !!

Q: What do you do when a bass player rings your doorbell ??
A: Pay him for the pizza and close the door !

[Peaceful]

Did you hear about the bass player with a sense of humor?

Neither did I.

[Rogue Axel]

Bass players rule. Ive heard some pretty funny bass jokes, but most of them are about upright, and i ownly play upright in jazz band, but i play electric more.

[Peaceful]

Did you say uptight?

[Rogue Axel]

no, upright

[Globe_Dasher]

I am a bassist. Bass is essential to many forms of music. So is guitar.

Taste in music is definitely subjective. So, poop to the argument! Here is my joke.

Q: What is the difference between a bass player and a large pizza?

A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

[Mr. Boston]

no, upright


If you can play standing upright you're one step ahead of Sid Vicious.

[darragh666]

Did your hear about the bassist who bought a five string?
He couldnt figure out why his strap was so tight.

[Rogue Axel]

If you can play standing upright you're one step ahead of Sid Vicious.

no no no... upright bass... like in old school jazz bands. the acoustic one. If you dont know what one is, dont call yourself a bass player.

[Rock n' Blues]

OK, I give, who`s the bass player in the picture ?

Billy Sheehan

Among many other things that he's famous for, he is the bass player in the Steve Vai band...

I guess you could say he's pretty good.

[slackerdefined]

Heard this one from a guitarist friend of mine, another lightbulb one, finally have an excuse to steal it:

Q: How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One, but the guitarist has to show him how to do it first.

[76Strat]

i own an upright bass used to play in orchestra

[lyleman]

Good bass players around here are so scarce that I'd be afraid to make a joke about one...they may find out who I am then I'm screwed!!!

[Vintage Picker]

...and the one about the the bass player who drove to the dance and locked himself inside the car....it took the drummer two hours to get him out.

[anthony2]

Q: What is worse than a wolf in sheep's clothing?
A: A wolf in shepherd's clothing.


I like it. Even sounds like a humor that could be told in a church.

[Rogue Axel]

Q: What is worse than a wolf in sheep's clothing?
A: A wolf in shepherd's clothing.


I like it. Even sounds like a humor that could be told in a church.

uh dude? BASS jokes. Unless thats one hell of a bass playing shepard.

[Blake]

I hope these jokes don't apply to real bass players ;)

[Mr. Boston]

OK, I give, who`s the bass player in the picture ?

I personally liked the original bass player for Phish, but there are many other excellent ones. I agree with the lazy thing, but being primarily a guitar player, I tend to "overplay" bass !!

Q: What do you do when a bass player rings your doorbell ??
A: Pay him for the pizza and close the door !


"Original" bass player for Phish? Was there more than one? Far as I know it's been Mike Gordon from day one. And he is a FANTASTIC bass player. Incredible actually. EVERYONE should check out his solo stuff with Leo Kottke. M'gawd it's insanely good.

[Mr. Boston]

no no no... upright bass... like in old school jazz bands. the acoustic one. If you dont know what one is, dont call yourself a bass player.


I refer you to the joke:

Q: Did you hear about the bass player with a sense of humor?
A: Neither did I.

What I meant was Sid Vicious was unconscious more often than not. I know the difference between an upright bass and an electric bass- and no I DON'T call myself a bass player- nor do I recall EVER saying I was a bass player.

I can play the bass line to Pink Floyd's "Money" though at least as well as Roger Waters can play it. But that's the only bass line I've ever tried to learn, lol.

[Blake]

I can play the bass line to Pink Floyd's "Money" though at least as well as Roger Waters can play it. But that's the only bass line I've ever tried to learn, lol.

That is a cool bass line. I love the 7:4 time.