In A Rut And I Want Out

[Disaronno]

Sup!

I started actually attempting to write lyrics to my music a few months ago. As of now I have nothing but songs about women. Its cliche and I don't really like the songs I'm making. I figure when it gets to the point where I don't like the song it has to stop.

Here are the lyrics to a song that I really like musically but dislike lyrically that I wrote.

Just Cause
I'm Not There
With You

Doesn't
Mean I Don't Care
About You

I Know
You Feel Alone
Today

Just Know
That I'm Here
To Stay
(New Riff)
I wish I could take you
Far away from here
Whisk You
Away

Life would be pure bliss
With every kiss
Whisk You
Away
(End Riff)

I wish
I Could Make
You Smile

Then We'd
Lie Close
For Awhile

All Your
Worries Will
Fade

Theres No
Reason To
Be Afraid

(back to sweet riff)
We will never be apart
Just open up your heart
Escape
With Me

You have nothing to fear
Knowing that I'm here
Escape
With Me

I recorded me singing over the song (well talking softly heh) to keep the vocal melody as a placeholder because I really like the vocal melody.

Here is a link to the song if you want to check out the vocal melody (http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6257493)

I want to change the lyrics so they aren't about a female. The only other thing I've even attempted to write about is politics but I don't want to just go push my views on people with my music. I just want to generally have a good time playing songs that are fun to play!

I'm kind of lost so any input would be appreciated. Anything could spark some creativity!

Thx

[t_shirtsnjeans]

I LOVE this song! What do you need to change? I could possibly hear another guitar, distant, and probably some very light brushed drums, some light bass harmonics, maybe some distant echo on some parts with a female vox replying to your questions. Do you have any female singers/writers who could offer input on the echo parts?

I do really love this song as is. That's just me.

[Disaronno]

Thanks.

I do have a female who does backup vocals in my band.

Have another guitar and a drummer thats gotten used to playing with brushes after joining the band heh.

I do see some great potential with this song just all my writing is pretty cliche. I'll share some more of my lyrics after class and you'll be able to see inside my love life heh

Its all I can seem to write about.

[texastito]

you hear all the time about how certain albulms reflect the artists particular "time in my life".

Another thing to remember that I've heard more than once - you have your whole life to write your 1st album....you have 18 months for your next.

Take it slow dude. Write everything you want right now. As the years progress, you can look back on the different times in your life.

Sorry I can't comment on the song. My work pc wont let me listen to it. And I can't ever tell anything from reading lyrics.

[Dipsomaniac]

i was went through the same writing phase. i had to make myself write about other subjects. so i would think of a totally differnt topic and try to write a song on it. sometimes it worked, sometimes not so much.

[Disaronno]

So I found a new topic to write about.

Sounds like its about a woman but its not. Its my own little inside joke with myself. I love the guitar parts for this tune (still in the making though) and I love the vocal melody (although I still need a voice good enough to sing it right heh)

Title so far is Broken

If I could change it all
You know
I’ go back.
Wouldn’t let you fall.

Oh You had class
You know
You were fragile
You were glass

Words went unspoken
You know
That’s why
We were broken

You wouldn’t take advice
You Know
You just melted
You were ice

You were ice
You were glass
We were broken
We couldn’t make it last

You were ice
You were glass
We were Broken
We couldn’t make it last




After the final part I'm thinking of an extended guitar solo type vibe then it comes back to the song and ends with a final verse.

I've got a rough recording of it right now. Should have a solid one up when I remotely finish the tune. Within the week hopefully.

I'm pleased I wrote a song thats not about a female even if it appears as if it is.

[Mr. Boston]

Sometimes the simplest songs are the BEST songs. Try THIS old familiar one on for size, IMO some of the best lyrics EVER written:

My sweet Lord,
Oh my Lord.
I really want to see you
I really want to be with you
I really want to see you Lord
But it takes so long my Lord.

My Sweet Lord
Oh My Lord
I really want to know you
I really want to go with you
I really want to show you Lord
That it won't take long my Lord.

It simply doesn't get any simpler or better than that. If metaphors and similes and poetic language get in your way, get rid of them and make declarative statements; this is what I think, this is what I feel, this is what I want: BANG you're done. Just watch out for predictability and cliche and you'll be fine. It's not so much about what you say, as it is about what you DON'T say sometimes.

[Disaronno]

Predictability and cliche is something I'm working on avoiding. I spend far more time with instruments than I do pen and paper. I should distribute it evenly.

Here is a ROUGH draft of it to get a sense of the vocal melody I may shoot for.

View the song as a canvas right now! (http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6262935)

[genereaux]

Predictability and cliche is something I'm working on avoiding.


I know the feeling.
I can sometimes make myself deal with a few cliche or 'easy' lines in a song when I've hit the wall and just want to get the song done (so the 'better' lines may live). And, usually, it winds up making perfect sense to the listener(as you've seen with the positive responses in this thread)

I haven't listened to your song yet, but reading the words- it certainly looks like enough to work with. I'd say go with it. You can make up for it by writing the next song a little less 'pedestrian' in your opinion.

Also, I try to offset 'vanilla' words with something unique musically, and vice-versa.


As to other things to write about; I've found, over the past few years, that work was causing the most suffering for me. I wrote it out and it became a handful of good songs. Though the average listener may hear the conflict as something woman/love based.
But a bad relationship is a bad relationship, isn't it?




sean