She Can't Ask Me To Leave

[determined2play]

She Can't Ask Me To Leave


It's so hard to say your sorry,
When you just won't talk at all
You can't take the first step,
When you just won't risk the fall

Now the kids have all grown up,
And our hearts have grown apart.
We can lie to each other,
But we can't lie to our hearts.

And she would rather be lonely,
Than to risk being alone.
No, she won't ask me to leave,
But in her heart___, she knows I'm gone.


It's like a book with missing chapters,
Or a song with out a verse.
What started out as a blessing,
Now feels more like a curse.

And the storm clouds have all gathered,
the rain has all but fell.
It's so hard to remember,
How a good life went to Hell.

And she would rather be lonely,
Than to risk being alone.
No, she won't ask me to leave,
But in her heart___, she knows I'm gone.

But it's a hell you learn to deal with,
When the Devil holds your hand.
And in the end all that your left with,
Is a yellow wedding band.

And she would rather be lonely,
Than to risk being alone.
No, she won't ask me to leave,
But in her heart___, she knows I'm gone.

Yes her heart___, she knows I'm gone.


I wrote this last summer. I think I spoke with a few about this song, but there was no place to post lyrics at the time. Just thought I would share it.

[millrat]

The lyrics have nice flow to them. I'm curious about the melody you hear in your head for this one. It would make a good country song.

[Peeb]

Good stuff.

[determined2play]

Thank you, it is a country melody, at least thats how it came out when we wrote the chord progression and sang it. I am going to record it soon, then I will post it in the showcase. If you have ever heard the song by Bon Jovi and Lee Ann Rymes, the melody is very similar to that song, except the chorus is a little more intense. Thanks again for taking the time to read my lyrics.

[determined2play]

The name of the Bon Jovi duet is til we ain't strangers anymore. When they released that song, I told my wife, Mr Jon Bon Jovi ought to be sending me a check anyday. :) I could not get over the similarities.

[t_shirtsnjeans]

I really do like these lyrics, they play well just with reading and I can hear all kinds of melodies with them too. My wife had to explain to me the lonely and alone part, durrrr, good play on words. Can't wait to hear the song.

[determined2play]

Thank you T-shirt. I appreciate it. I will edit the post tomorrow with the chords, in case someone would like to play it, bfore I record it.

[Lazy Bee]

I hesitate to say anything because you haven't asked for any thoughts....but I cant help it. :) I don't get the title. It's not mentioned anywhere in the song. The closest you come is "She wont ask me to leave" And then it's not where the hook (which is usually the title) should be.

I'm all for any thing goes...if you like it, great!! Dont change a thing.

For what it's worth, which may well be nothing. I think you should consider re naming it to...."She Knows I'm Gone" There's your hook. At least you're treating it like a hook in this writing. It looks like the hook, reads like the hook, and I'm willing to bet it sounds like the hook. Just as well make it the title.

[determined2play]

Lazy, I value your opinion, and I believe I emailed you these lyrics last summer when you were having a vocalist sing a demo for you. The Title is actually much longer.

It is She won't ask me to leave, but in her heart she know's Im gone. I just thought it was a bit long. The can't part was just a Type O I guess. But any way I guess I cut the wrong part of the tilte to make sense of it.:D

Thank you for your help and suggestions and you are correct it is the hook. At one point I thought of just calling it I'm gone and adding an outro with I'm gone repeating and fading.

Thanks again Lazy. And please don't hesitate to offer me any help. I am posting here to learn snd grow, and I do that by the feedback from folks like you and others on this forum. So it's all cool.:cool:

[Lazy Bee]

You mailed me a set of lyrics? And I never responded? I sincerely apologize. Must have gotten side tracked big time. :o

I played this the other night, I was struck at how easy it was to put music to. It was probably very different from what you're hearing but that tells me it was written well. A little boxy but not bad at all.

[determined2play]

No, no, Bee, I am sure you did resond. At least I think it was you. Anywhoo, what key did you play it in? What chord progression? I would love to hear how you hear it in your head. I have tried to record it, but I just suck at vocals. If you wouldn't mind sending me a copy of your rendition or posting it, I would love to hear it.

[Lazy Bee]

2play.......I took a couple liberties. The kids grown up and the hearts grown apart so early in the song kinda threw me. To me it's more of thing you build up to. SO I kinda re arranged things. Hope ya dont mind.

Here's a live take. Kinda ol timey :o but I thought it was really cool that the song could go that way.

She Knows I'm Gone
lo-fi URL: http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6436404&q=lo
hi-fi URL: http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6436404&q=hi

One lyrical suggestion...I'm not sure what you mean with "yellow" wedding band. Maybe you have a meaning for it, but I didn't get it. I felt the song led to an "empty" wedding band ...........Just a thought.

[Lazy Bee]

I worked with this a little more. Unfortunately by the time I got back to the thread I couldn't edit anymore so that last post doesn't make any sense. Sorry about that. I re-thought the way the verses are sequenced and realized how you have them working.

Especially in a conversational approach....(re-write) :D Hope you don't mind.

You open the song with "you're and you" like you're going to talk to someone but then you switch to "she" in the chorus. Know what I mean? You imply there's a conversation but it isn't really happening or at least it breaks away from it........


Also, you'll notice some changes in the third verse. A good rule of thumb..... when you say "it" you should explain what "it" is. Here we kinda know what it is. "It's" the breakdown, the falling out. However, if you go down the conversation path...people tend to say what "it" is in conversation. In this case "It's like a book with missing..." becomes ..."Our story's missing...." Or you could say life or life's story. Something else I'm sure.

Anyways I'm sure you get my drift. I hope you don't think I butchered your song. This is just one approach, a few thoughts is all really and you're free to toss it lol Thanks for the jam.

You Know I'm Gone (a cover)
lo-fi URL: http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6436404&q=lo
hi-fi URL: http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6436404&q=hi

Remember great songs aren't written they're re-written. At least that's what they say in this town.

[determined2play]

Jerry, I don't know what to say other than WOW, oh yeah, Thank you very much. I thought your take on it was amazing. I liked your changes. The only part I would like to see a little different would be the outro. There is a slight pause almost like it needs another verse. Wow I am blown away by your version. Fantastic. Would it be an issue for you to post this in the showcase thread?

Great Job.

[Lazy Bee]

No issue at all. Let me finish it up first. This is just a draft.

That outro is a few glasses of Cabernet talking at 2:30 a.m. lol Yeah...it's kinda silly.

I dont think you need another verse though. What I'm hearing after that pause is a lots of guitar. Sad haunting guitar. Time to let the music do the talking.

Thanks for being so cool about this. It's a fun project. It's your baby and you're being really lenient about letting me think about it in another way.

I'll be in touch.

[determined2play]

Thanks Jerry. I look forward to hearing from you.

[t_shirtsnjeans]

I worked with this a little more. Unfortunately by the time I got back to the thread I couldn't edit anymore so that last post doesn't make any sense. Sorry about that. I re-thought the way the verses are sequenced and realized how you have them working.

Especially in a conversational approach....(re-write) :D Hope you don't mind.

You open the song with "you're and you" like you're going to talk to someone but then you switch to "she" in the chorus. Know what I mean? You imply there's a conversation but it isn't really happening or at least it breaks away from it........


Also, you'll notice some changes in the third verse. A good rule of thumb..... when you say "it" you should explain what "it" is. Here we kinda know what it is. "It's" the breakdown, the falling out. However, if you go down the conversation path...people tend to say what "it" is in conversation. In this case "It's like a book with missing..." becomes ..."Our story's missing...." Or you could say life or life's story. Something else I'm sure.

Anyways I'm sure you get my drift. I hope you don't think I butchered your song. This is just one approach, a few thoughts is all really and you're free to toss it lol Thanks for the jam.

You Know I'm Gone (a cover)
lo-fi URL: http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6436404&q=lo
hi-fi URL: http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6436404&q=hi

Remember great songs aren't written they're re-written. At least that's what they say in this town.
Wow, this really gave this a more personal approach which is what I usually try to do with my music. Both of you have created a great song, and the ending, well, I can hear so distant steel guitars fading in and out, or slide, but that's the only thing I could add to it. Great work!

[determined2play]

Thanks T-shirt. some steel guitar would be great on there, I agree.