Here I am Lord

[millrat]

This song is about someone realizing they need Jesus in their life. His love and forgiveness are unconditional, and this person has come to the point of making a personal decision to accept God's gift. I'll try to post a recording of it at a later date. It has a nice chord progression.



HERE I AM LORD
copyright-Robert Osborne- 2-15-08

verse1
Lord I give you this life that’s broken, and full of despair
A life of shame that goes unspoken, yet you still cared
Not too proud of the things I’ve done, so unglorious
Still you gave your only son, to save each one of us

(Chorus)
Here I am Lord, asking forgiveness, I know you can fix this
Here I am Lord, I know I’m unworthy, yet you still love me
Here I am Lord, searching for your truth, I know that I need you
Here I am lord, standing before you, Lord I adore you

verse2
Lord I know this life I’m living, is running out of time
And your love for me is so forgiving, why have I been so blind
Lord I fall so short of your glory, I’m tired of living this lie
And when I heard the Savior's story, I just sat down and cried

(Chorus)
Here I am Lord, asking forgiveness, I know you can fix this
Here I am Lord, I know I’m unworthy, yet you still love me
Here I am Lord, searching for your truth, I know that I need you
Here I am lord, standing before you, Lord I adore you

[Lazy Bee]

This song is about someone realizing they need Jesus in their life. His love and forgiveness are unconditional, and this person has come to the point of making a personal decision to accept God's gift. I'll try to post a recording of it at a later date. It has a nice chord progression.



HERE I AM LORD
copyright-Robert Osborne- 2-15-08

verse1
Lord I give you this life that’s broken, and full of despair
A life of shame that goes unspoken, yet you still cared
Not too proud of the things I’ve done, so unglorious
Still you gave your only son, to save each one of us

(Chorus)
Here I am Lord, asking forgiveness, I know you can fix this
Here I am Lord, I know I’m unworthy, yet you still love me
Here I am Lord, searching for your truth, I know that I need you
Here I am lord, standing before you, Lord I adore you

verse2
Lord I know this life I’m living, is running out of time
And your love for me is so forgiving, why have I been so blind
Lord I fall so short of your glory, I’m tired of living this lie
And when I heard the Savior's story, I just sat down and cried

(Chorus)
Here I am Lord, asking forgiveness, I know you can fix this
Here I am Lord, I know I’m unworthy, yet you still love me
Here I am Lord, searching for your truth, I know that I need you
Here I am lord, standing before you, Lord I adore you


Wow, very nice! A lot to admire here. Rhyming with a word like unglorious? Nice!!! You didn't use a perfect rhyme (who could) but that's ok. More and more you see the implied rhyme accepted and working perfectly. And to see it done with "four" syllables....that's some fine crafting right there!

Someone might split some hairs here and there on the need for a little more "new" information in the second verse, but I wont. I'm probably not qualified and besides it reads so well.

A couple things that might hurt you with for commercial purposes.....It's a little boxey. I'd have to hear it to know for sure but whenever you see a verse that corners off, there's a pretty good chance that the melody will also.

This...

xx xxxx xx xxxxxx xxx xx
xxxx xx xxxxx xx xxx xx xx
xxx xxxxx xx xxxx xxx xx x
xx xxxx xxx x xxxx xxx xx

May not sound as interesting as this.

xx xxxx xxx xx x xxxx xxx
xx xxx xx xx x xx xx xxxx xxx xxx xx xxx x
xx xxx xxx xx xxx xx xx xx
xx xxx xxx xxxxxx xx x xx xx xx xx xx xx x x

Opening each line of the chorus with the title might be a little much. Cool title by the way. I know what you're doing. In fact, the last co-write I did was a worship tune called "What's Best For Me" My idea was to open each line of the chorus with the title. As a three part harmony sustained the word "Me"...the following line sang over it. I liked it, my co writers didn't. lol

Song coaches, evaluators, and publishers would almost certainly challenge you to re-think it and see if you can add some new info or detail. It's just what they do. :)

As it is, I really like it a lot. Hope to hear it some day. Thanks for sharing.

[millrat]

Lb, Thanks for taking the time to look. I appreciate the feedback. After reading your thoughts, the song does look boxy. You're right about repeating the title in the chorus so often. I'll post a recording of it in this thread so you can hear the phrasing and the chord progression. Maybe I'll tweak it a little, but I'll post the current version first.

Thanks again,
Rob

[Lazy Bee]

I'd really like to hear it as you have it now millrat. So much depends on how it's phrased. The first time a guy looked at some of my lyrics and said it looked boxey I thought what the heck are you talking about? You haven't even heard it. Even though he was the pro I was suspicious that he might be jerking my chain.

Sure enough though, as I started looking at songs in lyric form without listening I noticed what he was talking about. The melodies were more interesting with the staggered shape. And please take the chorus comments lightly, it's just an observation. Your song may very well work perfectly as it is. The power in this song may come from repeating the hook. Here's a person standing before God saying Here I Am Lord....might want to say that several times. :)

For good measure though, in conversational songs, it's at least worth asking yourself..."Did I say everything I wanted to". My apologies if you already have. If not, consider you're talking to God for 2 and 1/2 minutes in song. Sure you're done? If you are, great! If there's more...you could look to the chorus to try a couple things. Maybe...like I said I like this song a lot as it is.


I've attended a few song camps where you play your songs for hit writers, publishers, and producers. They then critique and try to help you see where you can improve the song and learn a little more about song craft through the process of evaluation. It's very cool if you can hack it. In a real life pitch your song may get rejected and you have no idea why. At camp, you get the details of your rejection. lol The evaluators often qualify their comments by saying up front.... "This is just an opinion"

Thanks for taking mine in good spirit.

[determined2play]

Very nice writing Millrat. Very powerful song.

[millrat]

Very nice writing Millrat. Very powerful song.
Thanks for taking the time to look determined2play, and thanks for the nice comments. I hope to post a recording soon.

[millrat]

I hope this works. I'm trying to post a recorded version of here i am lord. if it works, i think it is the fingerpicked version. it's a very amateur recording but you'll get the idea of the song anyways. i have another version of it strummed.
let me know if it works.


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=704283&content=music