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View Full Version : Gibson.com makes me laugh sometimes...

Stray Dog
April 25th, 2009, 03:21 AM
...and sometimes just confuses me with its choice of adjectives to describe artists.

It seems with every single article they do they are talking about THE BEST GUITARIST IN THE WORLD, or THE BEST BAND IN THE WORLD... and in the next article, the best guitarist in the world is someone new.

Point is, they come up with the most ridiculous ways to describe things...

In this article about Albert King, he apparently has "cat-scalding tones" and "dinosaur bends". What the hell does that mean???

I'll try and find some more for you...
Stray Dog
April 25th, 2009, 03:36 AM
"The daredevil bends, the thrilling vibrato, the weeping phrases and repetitions ornamented with soaring sustain..."

"...tossing off rumbling single-note leads, chopping out chords like a demented woodsman and letting his fat tone whistle off into smoggy clouds of feedback..."

"...buzzes and shakes like a beehive on a rickshaw..."
Semi-Hollowbody
April 25th, 2009, 05:36 AM
They are trying to sell hunks of wood marked up 400%....that is NO SMALL TASK! :)
Mr. Boston
April 25th, 2009, 06:28 AM
"Cat-scalding" huh? Yeah I'm not sure what the hell that's supposed to mean. Though if his music repels cats, that's good news in my book.
ScottRiley
April 25th, 2009, 07:05 AM
They're amazing :LMAO:

I love pointless metaphors

'With his gypsy killing powerchord riffing and his weasel snorting titanium leads, you can't help but argue that this guy really is the mother of all geese'
Stray Dog
April 25th, 2009, 07:36 AM
On every article its always "with his mind-blasting leads and scorching tones, he is the king of modern rock guitar"...

And the next article on some vaguely famous rock guitarist.... "his sledgehammer rhythms and shockingly brutal chops have made him one of the most recogniseable names in guitar today".

Not every guitarist can be 100% awesome, right? What's wrong with being happily mediocre?

And its always due to them playing a Les Paul too.
fused
April 25th, 2009, 08:12 AM
Well I don't know. My Gibby's do all of that.

There's this guy from the local chinese restaurant who knocks on my door asking for the scalded cats after we've had a open jam. So yeah, I'm thinking it accurate.

fused
Roger L.
April 25th, 2009, 08:15 AM
Well I don't know. My Gibby's do all of that.

There's this guy from the local chinese restaurant who knocks on my door asking for the scalded cats after we've had a open jam. So yeah, I'm thinking it accurate.

fused

Too funny :LMAO:
NunoSlash
April 25th, 2009, 08:28 AM
Not every guitarist can be 100% awesome, right? What's wrong with being happily mediocre?
.

In all fairness...a happily mediocre player wouldnt get a signature model...

Well C.C. DeVille had one i think...but it wasnt a Gibson!
Stray Dog
April 25th, 2009, 08:34 AM
In all fairness...a happily mediocre player wouldnt get a signature model...


http://www.gibson.com/player/dec03/images/delonge_guitar2.jpg
Jose
April 25th, 2009, 08:37 AM
There's this guy from the local chinese restaurant who knocks on my door asking for the scalded cats after we've had a open jam. So yeah, I'm thinking it accurate.

fused

Oh man....You know you ain't right for saying that.:D I'm part Chinese, and I prefer chicken.
fused
April 25th, 2009, 08:41 AM
Oh man....You know you ain't right for saying that.:D I'm part Chinese.

And I like Chinese food.... As long as they don't do as one around here was accused of.... :rolleye:

Poor cats.... :(

fused
Jose
April 25th, 2009, 08:45 AM
And I like Chinese food.... As long as they don't do as one around here was accused of.... :rolleye:

Poor cats.... :(

fused

Man, maybe that meat in your dish wasn't pork or chicken then.:) My dad had snake before, and he said it tasted just like chicken.:eek:

Sorry for hijacking the thread.
Mr. Boston
April 25th, 2009, 09:08 AM
Man, maybe that meat in your dish wasn't pork or chicken then.:) My dad had snake before, and he said it tasted just like chicken.:eek:

Sorry for hijacking the thread.

Yeah well I played an absolutely scorching venomous solo once; sounded like snake, tasted like chicken. They didn't give me a signature Les Paul though... jerks.
gavb
April 25th, 2009, 11:27 AM
I don't see a problem with this at all, below is just an example of how I would expect to be described for my virile and masculine abilities on the guitar.

"With his flame grilled milky sweet pull-offs and oboe-esque fatty-fat dropped tuning, satanic elbow blistering fridge magnet inverted bra chords, he could fell entire forest's with ear holocaust's of dripping filthy gorgeous guitar necromancy."
Squizz
April 26th, 2009, 09:20 AM
I don't see a problem with this at all, below is just an example of how I would expect to be described for my virile and masculine abilities on the guitar.

"With his flame grilled milky sweet pull-offs and oboe-esque fatty-fat dropped tuning, satanic elbow blistering fridge magnet inverted bra chords, he could fell entire forest's with ear holocaust's of dripping filthy gorgeous guitar necromancy."


:LMAO: You could write PR copy for Gibson
NunoSlash
April 26th, 2009, 10:35 AM
http://www.gibson.com/player/dec03/images/delonge_guitar2.jpg

Who is Tom Delonge?

OK i just googled him...

My past words dont have any importance now...
Fendershredder
April 26th, 2009, 10:47 AM
http://www.gibson.com/player/dec03/images/delonge_guitar2.jpg

That's actually a pretty nice lookin' axe..Also "dinosaur bends" had me on the floor.
Stray Dog
April 26th, 2009, 11:14 AM
Yes it is a nice guitar actually isn't it. Replace the pickup with something nice though... I like the colours, and the plate where the neck pickup should be is very nice.

He may have Dinosaur Bends, but I have been perfecting my Elephant Slides and Wombat Pull-Offs lately, so he'd better watch out...
Fendershredder
April 26th, 2009, 11:47 AM
What the hell is a "dinosaur bend"? I have this mental image of a guy bending, and a T-rex roaring behind him.
Sir Fire Hydran
April 26th, 2009, 11:58 AM
Not every guitarist can be 100% awesome, right? What's wrong with being happily mediocre?

I'm striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence. *Sigh*
Stray Dog
April 26th, 2009, 12:12 PM
What the hell is a "dinosaur bend"? I have this mental image of a guy bending, and a T-rex roaring behind him.

That's an awesome image!
schneefux
April 26th, 2009, 01:50 PM
I don't see a problem with this at all, below is just an example of how I would expect to be described for my virile and masculine abilities on the guitar.

"With his flame grilled milky sweet pull-offs and oboe-esque fatty-fat dropped tuning, satanic elbow blistering fridge magnet inverted bra chords, he could fell entire forest's with ear holocaust's of dripping filthy gorgeous guitar necromancy."


:LMAO: nice!!!!
gavb
April 26th, 2009, 04:19 PM
He may have Dinosaur Bends, but I have been perfecting my Elephant Slides and Wombat Pull-Offs lately, so he'd better watch out...

lmao,

this thread is awesome. :D
gavb
April 26th, 2009, 04:24 PM
I'm striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence. *Sigh*

You need to focus on pushing the boundaries of your skillerism, only then can you unleash forth upon the world your own personal vortex of unholy, nebula imploding aural sex-guitar.
Raycing
April 26th, 2009, 07:21 PM
I don't see a problem with this at all, below is just an example of how I would expect to be described for my virile and masculine abilities on the guitar.

"With his flame grilled milky sweet pull-offs and oboe-esque fatty-fat dropped tuning, satanic elbow blistering fridge magnet inverted bra chords, he could fell entire forest's with ear holocaust's of dripping filthy gorgeous guitar necromancy."
OMFG that was hilarious, I was laughing so hard and loud that my 3 year old said "That's enough Daddy" to try and quiet my down as I was convulsing with laughter and just as I stopped laughing I read a few more words and starting up again. I was planning on making up a version to describe myself but there is no way I could top this one gavb. Thanks for the laugh my friend.
Voltimus
April 26th, 2009, 10:35 PM
It's pretty much why I won't ever play or buy a Gibson....

They spend more on advertising than they do on quality control...
Mr. Boston
April 26th, 2009, 10:38 PM
It's pretty much why I won't ever play or buy a Gibson....

They spend more on advertising than they do on quality control...


Unless they just lift their advertising hyperbole from chat rooms like this one for free.

I'm off to go play some dragon-punching chords and malicious orangutan licks.
gavb
April 27th, 2009, 10:56 AM
OMFG that was hilarious, I was laughing so hard and loud that my 3 year old said "That's enough Daddy" to try and quiet my down as I was convulsing with laughter and just as I stopped laughing I read a few more words and starting up again. I was planning on making up a version to describe myself but there is no way I could top this one gavb. Thanks for the laugh my friend.

lol, your welcome. It did amuse me. :D
Tdanger
April 27th, 2009, 11:22 AM
they're amazing :lmao:

I love pointless metaphors

'with his gypsy killing powerchord riffing and his weasel snorting titanium leads, you can't help but argue that this guy really is the mother of all geese'

:lmao:
bdl2009
April 27th, 2009, 12:17 PM
I wonder how much/who gets paid to come up with this stuff lol
Mr. Boston
April 27th, 2009, 12:22 PM
I wonder how much/who gets paid to come up with this stuff lol

I'm not sure, but whatever they're getting paid they're not as good at it as Gavb, who's giving it away free.
Furious Lopez
April 27th, 2009, 04:25 PM
In all fairness...a happily mediocre player wouldnt get a signature model...



Ahem:

John Mayer.


Who's getting paid for this? Marketing guys. There's a serious reason I left marketing and advertising after 5 years. That reason being? I refuse to contribute to the downfall of society by programming people to require endless babble describing literally nothing but making it sound fantastic. American society EXPECTS and REQUIRES it to think anything superior now. There is no making up an own mind, it is all just: "this one has the most exciting description."

The world will end in marketing. Already our presidental races are ONLY about marketing and absolutely NOT about Political Platforms.

We've doomed ourselves with Market Conditioning.
shiggity
April 28th, 2009, 09:16 AM
Ive been told I have "Blistering Leads"...



people in the audience often break out with herpes.

can I have my guitar now?
Auk_Master
April 28th, 2009, 09:53 AM
Gibson to announce the release of the Auk_Master Signature ES-137--"now you too can own the axe that produced the Auk's heartburn inducing hammer-ons and badger-spleen shattering bends! Gut-wrenching gastro-intestinal vomit launching arpeggios up and down the neck can be yours!"
atmourad
April 28th, 2009, 01:40 PM
i guess face-melting guitar solos aren't enough any more.
crank
April 28th, 2009, 05:56 PM
I used to be in marketing myself. Wrote a lot of copy in my day. That crap Gibson is spewing is just that - crap. If they want to communicate with the people who are interested in their products they should be speaking the same language; not stretching the realm of credulity reaching for an ever more inventive, yet meaningless, arsenal of patently ridiculous adjectives. Hell why use one word (crap) when you can use a dozen to say the same thing. Jesus, their writer must be getting paid by the word.